Alpine, NJ is known all to well for their large mansions with even larger asking prices. This 20,000 square foot gated estate is no exception. It is located on Allison Road in the Kings Wood section of Alpine, NJ. It boasts 8 bedrooms, 8 full and 2 half bathrooms, grand banquet sized reception rooms, extensive marble and granite throughout, elevator, 4-car garage and more. It is listed at $15,900,000. Really?! 15 million dollars?! First of all, the asking price is way too high in my opinion. The exterior is cold and awkward and the interior is just…..ghastly. There is absolutely no cohesive style. It’s a mix match of ugliness. By the way, if I had that much money to blow, don’t you think I would MUCH rather buy this $14.75 million SPECTACULAR mansion instead? There is absolutely no competition between the homes. Plus, you save $1.150 million!!!

CLICK HERE FOR THE LISTING

  • Daniel

    Ew. WTF is with the hexagons on the ceiling? This place really is a disaster. I mean, I actually like the stereotypical 1980s design scheme in some homes, but this is just ridiculous. The only compliment I can give this place is the fact they tried to book match the marble flooring in the kitchen. The rest is just odd, laughable and sad. Why does the living room have a good 50 high-hats? Who decided that the shrine to green should have been in the foyer? Why are there wood floors in the living room when this house was obviously contemporary to begin with? What the hell kind of shade of granite is that in the kitchen? Why are there columns in photo 8? What happened to the marble in the master bathroom? Last but not least why do the owners think they can get nearly $16 million for this place?




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    • Oliver

      hahahahahahahha SERIOUSLY!!!! what were they smoking!! every room has a stupid shape, dumb layout, silly design and ugly detailing. exterior is hideous, interior is hideous, bathroom…wait hold on…sry i just threw up in my mouth a little bit… good god some people dont deserve the money they waste!!!




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  • Grrrowler

    The inside looks like a bad copy of one of Saddam Hussein’s palaces.

    The outside looks like an elementary school.

    I hate everything about it.

    I am done.




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    • Marie

      In complete agreement Grrrowler




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      • Mak

        Me too.




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        • NOVA Ben

          me three, four, and five




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          • Barney

            Me SIX…….WRETCH. BARF, GAG AND PUKE. I’m truly chomping at the bit to NOT write the Listing Agent AND his Broker(s) and tell them that they should all be VIRULENTLY and publicly chastised and ridiculed for taking this utter monstrosity listing AT THAT INSULTINGLY ABSURD price. As a former agent, I am downright embarrased for him,,,,,,,,in one word, ABYSMAL.




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  • Nalin

    Strange looking facade, strange proportions, strange finishes. very odd house




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  • brandt

    what an atrocity!




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  • Iemand

    What a joke. Some rich person probably said “I want the biggest house of the neighbourhood. I don’t care how it looks just make it the biggest”.

    Can someone say bulldozer??




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  • George

    I have seen houses custom built for people from the middle-east, I’ve seen houses built for people from India and found their homes different, but beautiful.I have seen postings of Swedish and Norwegian homes for sale and found them very different. I have never before seen a house custom built for someone from outer space.




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  • Orlando

    When Kenny comments on how terrible it is than you know its bad lol




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  • Al Robinson

    The inside is soo bad that I have actually started feeling pitty for the people who decorate. I’m guessing they have no idea just how bad this is. I think they think this is what rich people think “rich” is supposed to look like.

    Why is there a fireplace in the bathroom? Why is the bathtub in the middle???

    I would not want to be the realtor. I wonder if the kind words they say about this place to try and sell it they actually believe, or if they’re just good actors.




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    • Barney

      TRUST ME, Al………..they’re delusuionally and desperately greedy to think that this PILE is gonna’ sell AT ALL for even HALF of it’s current price.




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      • Al Robinson

        Okay, I believe you Barney. LOL




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  • Hugh

    This house is grotesque!

    The $14.75 million SPECTACULAR mansion is really nice though. Classy, stylish, high quality.




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  • Matt

    i love this house he links too…def worth paying less for something new and gorgeous in the same town




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  • Jason

    wow- ugly as mud. if this is what the housing stock looks like in “uber-exclusive” Alpine NJ, I don’t want to live there.




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  • matt c.

    Did the Architect / Interior designer specialize in funeral homes in the middle east perhaps?




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  • rob

    I knew we were in trouble when I saw the green chandelier. Just strange. What is with the 4 pillars framing the random rug? Hexagon rooms? The bathroom makes me feel like I am being sucked into the vertex. And ya gotta love the typical New Jersey fake water feature that seems to be so loved up there. This is a strange house.




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  • NOVA Ben

    Oh dear….I can’t find one nice thing to say about this steaming pile of crap

    I hope the owners are ready for a LOOOONG stay on the market, and a couple dozen price reductions, cuz they’re gonna be in this for the LONG HAUL




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  • Tay

    the word “colonial’ has become VERY loosely based…




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  • Venom

    This is so hideous.
    Only a saint or a family member could possibly take on this listing.

    Nice Scarface tub….




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    • Joe

      The Scarface reference made me laugh out loud. Well played. That bathroom is just horrible. Very appropriate use of the word “ghastly”.




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  • Jess

    I just died laughing over these comments and I agree whole-heartedly! I’ve had to design some garish things just to pay the bills, but this takes the cake. Whoever called themselves a Designer involved in this really needs to reassess their calling in life–or get Russian citizenship.




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  • Barney

    NOW HEAR THIS! NOW HEAR THIS!! (Sorry to yell you guys, but THIS update is WORTH IT!!

    As you can clearly tell from my comments, I’m in total agreement with you all, but again, NOW HEAR THIS……:-)…….

    I had to call the agent and (ever so professionally & tactfully) ask him about the house. You know….firstly and most importantly “Are you related to the Sellers”, (he responded haughtily that “I’m NEVER realted to my clients”, like it never happened in his area) I hope you don’t mind my asking, I also sold high-end real estate (well, o.k., never THAT high end) blah, blah, blah.

    Then, (I don’t care how amaterish or tacky he thought I was…..I’m NEVER gonna’ meet him) I commented (still in a professional way ) that the house looked like Stevie Wonder decorated it, and WHAT did he do when he first saw it? THEN….GET READY….he told me THAT THE HOUSE WENT UNDER CONTRACT AFTER BEING ON THE MARKET FOR A LITTLE MORE THAN A MONTH!!!! He then gave the reason being that it’s the BEST location in Alpine, blah blah blah (all horseshit as far as I’m concerned) and then, of course, he said he had to go, and got clearly stiff.

    I doubt that I’ll be able to find out even with my superior cyber-sleuthing skills what the house gets actually sold for, but I’m sure as Hell gonna’ try hard.

    My biggest question is “HOW in ALL creation did ANYone make an (I THINK accepted) offer on THAT monstrosity, with THAT decoration, materials, kitchen, LIGHT fixtures, architectural features (more correctly referred to as “abomination”) in THAT amount of time?!?!?!?!”

    CAN you guys BELIEVE IT!?!? Goes to prove that the old saying is Eternally True…….”Truth is Stranger than Fiction”!




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    • Mak

      Nope. I don’t believe it, and until I DO see some proof, I’ll just assume that the realtor was lying to save face.




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  • Mak

    Oh…and FWIW, the property is at the end of Allison Road . For some reason, the realtor’s website map shows the wrong property.




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    • Barney

      Mak….what’s the exact address, if you have it? I’d appreciate it….gotta’ look it up on Bing Earth myself. And you could VERY well be right……but I’m aghast to say that I don’t think you are………I’m gonna’ dig the Townships/City’s/Village’s/whatever’s records for Alpine to see if & when it sells, ‘TIL I find that PRICE.




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      • Mak

        Barney, I couldn’t get an exact street address, but if you go all the way to the cul de sac, you’ll see it on the left hand side. I found it by chance. It was the “star” garden in the front yard that convinced me.




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        • Mak

          I meant the cul de sac at the end of Allison Road.




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      • Al Robinson

        Barney, I know what the coordinates are:

        40°57’20.86″N 73°55’35.08″W

        Put those into Google Earth.




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        • Al Robinson

          Scratch that. Google Earth is being stupid. It’s the white roofed house at the end of the block.




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  • Shannon

    WOW!! I agree 100%.. Whomever designed that home should be ashamed.. One of the ugliest deisigns of all time!! What a waste of materials and money!!




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  • richvanc

    *sniff* i am crying, and trying very hard not to vomit! sorry, but i’m unable to comment on this “house”????~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~




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  • George

    Kenny I’ve got an idea. Every month do a poll for the nicest and worst house from the previous month. At the end of the year poll for the best and worst of the year. The winner of the nicest home, well living there is reward enough, to the owner of the ugliest home, send him a bottle of wiskey to drown his sorrows. This house should receive a nomination for the ugliest house.




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  • Joy

    ghastly… sums it up nicely. This is a demolition site.




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  • Joy

    Actually, I am getting angry! What a waste of money, time and materials.




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  • Aaron

    Is it a library? LOL




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  • Marc

    The Isley Brothers owned it originally but it was even uglier originally, if you can believe it. It sat vacant for years and was eventually renovated, but, it’s still hideous. The house across the street is very nice and tasteful




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  • Chris

    MY EYES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!




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